Fred's Menu

FRED'S SAMMICHES

Summer Menu #28487-Gamma-83784-BII
(c)1999 FredCo Transdimensional. All rights reserved.
developed by Jason Rubis; designed by Pat Padua.

New! Last week's specials:
Week of May 1, 2000.

Jim Morrison says:

Mother, I want to ... EEEAAAT AAAT FRE-EEEEEEDDD'S!"

Mahir says:

I like all the time the samaihcs from Freds!!! I KISS YOU!!!!!

FRED'S APPETIZERS:

CALAMARI EXPLOSION:
A heapin' plate of well-aged squid, served with our infamous nitro-glycerin-based dippin' sauce and personally delivered to your table by our very irate, tap-dancing waiters!
CUP O'FRIZZLED BROWN THINGS WE SCRAPED OFF THE GRILL LAST NIGHT:
The name says it all!
FRED'S NUTS:
Firm and salty!
GRAVY-SOAKED CRAB TENDERS:
With your choice of gravies: Brown, Yankee Cream, or Translucent!
LIQUEFIED MUSHROOM STEMS:
Fred once again proves he's a "fun guy!" Hey Dad: grab a straw and race the kids to the bottom of the pitcher!
MOZZARELLA BRICKS:
Breaded and delicately FRIED!
Fred Brand Mayo: ask for it by name!

NOTHIN' BUT MAYONNAISE:
And we MEAN nothin' but! Eight tablespoons of your favorite slathered on a plate and ready for licking!
SHOVEL FULL OF FRENCH-FRIES:
Right in the FACE!!

FRED'S CLASSIC SAMMICHES!

CABBAGE HOAGIE:
For all you health-freaks who are always pissing and moaning that "Fred's" doesn't offer more nutritious entrees! Here! Cabbage is a vegetable! Alright? Okay? So shut up and eat it! Hippie bastards!
An animated hot dog.

FRED'S WEINER:
Big and tasty! Thick and satisying! He's standing here with a gun to my head making me write this!
Juat a burger. You ain't missing a lot.

HELL ON A BUN:
We're not telling!!
Ms. Joyce DeWitt.

THE JOYCE DEWITT:
A culinary tribute to one of Fred's favorite actresses (and some say former inamorata!) Not much to it, but you'll eat it, seeing as how Chrissy won't give you the time of day.
(LIVE) CHICKEN SAMMICH:
We provide the chicken, the bread, and an axe. YOU provide the fun!
PASTA PITA:
Mama Mia! This-a sammich, she so good, she make you scream like-a the Marilyn Manson, eh? Fred, he take-a the pita, and he stuff it fulla the pasta: the linguine, the ravioli, the spaghett', the rigatoni, the lasagna, until it's-a all a-gooshy with the marinara. It make-a you nice and fat! It collapse-a you veins!
PEANUT-BUTTER AND WASABI:
Sticks to the roof of your skull!
STEAK AND CHEESE:
Did we mention the "cheese" was feta?
Juat a turkey, you turkey!

TURKEY D-DAY:
We take an entire nine-course Thanskgiving dinner (including cranberry sauce!!!) and serve it to you between two slices of white bread. DON'T ASK US HOW!!!
YAMBURGER:
EXACTLY what you think it is!!

SPECIAL OFFER!

FRED'S "FUN-PAK"

Only available for a limited time! Your favorite Fred's Sammich, a six-pack of malt-liquor, a pack of Marlboros, and a special surprise:
A different "Fred's Pals(TM)" elongated penny every week! Collect all your favorites: Charles Nelson Reilly; Suzanne Farrell; John Gotti; Mungo the Megatherium; a big fat dog of some kind; and of course, "Fred" himself!

"JUST" DESSERTS:

"BANANA SPIT"
"HALF-FROZEN PINEAPPLE STUFF"
"POTATO CAKE"
"SUNDAE BLOODY SUNDAE"
"WHIPPED CREAM ON A STICK"

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Take me home.
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